Geraldo was the gateway drug from an occult-faithful child of wonder to a vomitous Holden Caulfield on chemo. Geraldo was proof that stupid right-wing bigots and carny assholes can dress like normals and have their own “TV shows.” He knows how to sound normal-angry and spew normal-hate at all the classic targets. He cannot think, but he can moralize like a frat boy about everything cliche—and suck up to power like the butt-kissing self-marketing vacancy that he is.

So watching-and-hating Geraldo with all my strength—that is what I did from 19 – 28. Until prison, as a matter of fact. Hating Geraldo was like doing pushups. If I lost that detector, I really would become a marketer’s fuck-boy and smiling median bowing to power wanna-be when I got older.