Placebo Comedy: Meet the hexagon vendor

Heartfelt marketing makes you dumb

Table of Contents

I went to a birthday party last night and met a bright and charming salesman who said something so ridiculous that I became obsessed with trying to understand how he could believe it. It was an silly claim that anyone with high school physics would know to be impossible. What follows is my report on this astounding encounter.

Background: The host (we can call him Libby) who invited the small group is smart. He’s got a great vocabulary and is very well-read. But he is in the thrall of deep self-deception. He is a skilled critical thinker about everything in the universe except his acts of self-deception, and any of the placebo therapies he has paid for—such as Landmark, Kevin Trudeau, Law of Attraction, four different PUA “schools,” men’s development, a “grounding mat” that worked because it made him vomit, and five different life-coach “modalities.”

(Q: Is self-deception regarding placebos OK? If a therapy works only if you believe in it, and you have paid for it, then you ought to believe in it. Many placebo therapies actually state up front that they will work only if you believe. But this is a deep topic for another time.)

In any case, Libby has suppressed his critical thinking about rabbits’ feet and empowerment seminars and announces this fact through his behavior—usually by praising his latest effort-avoidance strategy as if it were self-evidently effective. “I’m doing system X now and it’s incredible! What’s that you say? What about last week’s cure-all? Well, it was good. It’s my fault it didn’t work. I just didn’t do the program as designed.” In this way, he is always selling the tech—even to strangers.

(Q: When applying a placebo system, should we tell others how great it is? Yes—according to the Law of Attraction. Acting like you’ve already achieved your goal is supposed to accelerate its actualization. This certainly seems rational—convincing others that you are improving thanks to placebo P ought to add the weight of their agreement to P’s efficacy. Some systems tell you to sell your accomplishments as if they had already occurred. For example, Landmark promises you that can have anything you want when you “enroll others into your having gotten” it. Sadly, this is worse than just false. We now know that enrolling others, aka acquiring social reality, has the opposite effect. See here.)

Over the years, Libby has become a walking target for life-coaches and placebo dealers who see him as a potential customer and as free marketing. This has been a great boon for him because he has lost his former friends and is exceedingly lonely. If gaining admiration and friendship requires self-deception, so be it. He is more than happy to merge his own identity with the businesses of others in exchange for their approval and friendship. He gets attention, and they get a faithful client and marketer.

Your wish is your pitch

Healing the whole woman

The first person I spoke to at the party was a placebo dealer. The product he sold was women’s health—specifically, “healing the whole woman.”

His system heals the whole woman because it treats every level of her being—physical, emotional, and spiritual. Most systems are partial, but his is complete. His secret weapon is called Fourth Phase water.

Fourth Phase water is water arranged in a hexagon (hence also called hexagonal water and structured water). It is, he told me, a special form of water recently discovered with incredible healing powers. Structured water has memory, stores subtle energies, is powered by light, and is alive.

Eh. Meh. Gehd. Please … tell me more!

Marketing Man: I provide a complete systems approach to women’s health. After over 13 years of research, I have developed a holistic system that benefits the whole woman by healing her holistically—body, emotion, and spirit. Every aspect of the woman is treated and benefitted. The results have been … incredible.

CSH: How does it work?

MM: Our magic bullet is Fourth Phase water, or living water. IT was discovered by Dr. Gerald Pollack. Your body is 78% water when you are a baby. But adults’ bodies are only 60%. What happened? Where did the water go?

CSH: Growth?

MM: Water is essential to the health functioning of the whole person. My therapies use living water to meet this need. Fourth Phase water gets into your cells and heals you. It’s totally cured my clients of their life-threatening diseases. Fourth phase water is basically alive.

Hexagonal water.

CSH: How is it alive?

MM: Here … [He loads the image to the right on his iPhone and shows it to me.]

Hexagonal water is preferred by your cells and promotes cellular hydration and removes toxins.

CSH: Even if you could manufacture this structure, how could it be stabilized? Water molecules are zipping and dancing around pretty fast. And what about when you tilt the glass? Or when it travels down the gullet and splashes into your stomach acid? How can the hexagons survive?

MM: Good question. It’s because structured water has memory.

CSH: [Too sad to speak, I don the Math Lady face.]

Nigga be all like …

Nigga be all like …

When someone defends one false claim with a stronger version of the same claim, you know that honesty, or interest in truth, is gone. Besides that, he was making claims that anyone with a high school understanding of chemistry knows to be false.

The details

Nonetheless, I was so irked by his conviction that I looked it up as soon as I got home. To my surprise Fourth Phase water really does exist. In fact, it exists everywhere water makes contact with anything hydrophilic—namely, most of the stuff in the universe. Water organizes into hexagons at the thin area of interface between itself and any other substance. It’s what happens to tap water next to a straw, for example, or around a speck of dust. But this organization only exists at a distance up to 1/10 of a millimeter.

Self-organizing into hexagons is what water does next to any surface—but only next to those surfaces. These hexagons cannot be maintained or prolonged away from surfaces. Even at the surfaces, they fall apart and reconstituee many trillions of times per second. But Marketing Man thought it was possible to imbue the water with more hexagons, store them there, and then sell hexagon rich water. It’s not. You cannot direct their placement. Their number cannot be increased. And their formation cannot be preserved (except by freezing). Oh—and it has no health benefits.

But you can see why Fourth Phase water would get alternative medicine (placebo) dealers so excited:

  1. It is distinct from ordinary (randomly) arranged water. That is, it is an actual thing.
  2. It is not well-known. It is NEW. And NEW things are always pregnant with imaginary potential.
  3. It has a sexy name. Fourth Phase isn’t so different from Next Level or Higher Dimension. It is also called Structured Water—as opposed to crappy ordinary water which, by implication, must be disorganized (bad).
  4. Hexagons are pretty. Lots of the dealer websites actually try to pass modified photos of snowflakes as electron microscope images of the atomic hexagons.
  5. A basic understanding of the myth lends itself to attractive and very reasonable false images, like this:
Inside the context of the myth, this looks very reasonable.

Inside the context of the myth, this looks very reasonable.

Another illustration of the same intuitive falsehood.

Another illustration of the same intuitive falsehood.

According to the previous illustrations, the “depleted unstructured” water has a better chance of hydrating a cell. Oops!

According to the previous illustrations, the “depleted unstructured” water has a better chance of hydrating a cell. Oops!

If water could be fixed inside hexagons, drinking a cup of it would only harm you—since the atoms would be locked up and unusable. Still, if these pretty formations could be manufactured (an accumulated and stored) I might still buy them purely for their novelty value. If I had a bottle full o’ hexagons, I would use it as a desk ornament or a talisman, in the same way that crystal heads use quartz crystals.

But the little hexagons cannot be manufactured, much less accumulated and stored. And so I cannot buy them.

CSH: So this perduring structure is like a ghost and it survives shaking, pouring into a glass, and mixing with stomach acid, and then gets delivered to your cells, where it returns them and your body to their optimal 78% hydration?

MM: You just need to read The Fourth Phase of Water.

CSH: And water enters cells one molecule at a time. How can the cluster get inside? If a molecule is trapped inside the hexagon, it’s then unavailable for use.

MM: Ha ha. So analytical! You just need to read The Fourth Phase of Water.

I did. It said that water cannot be restructured except by being boiled (into gas) or frozen (into ice). The 1/10 mm layer of H3O2 hexagons is not “a restructuring”—it happens automatically wherever water touches a surface, and nowhere else. I repeat: the hexagons form only where the water touches the container and around things like pebbles hydrophilic molecules.

That’s less than 0.000001% of the water. Nearly all the water is a bundle of dancing angle-brackets through and through. And this cannot be changed.

Spilling water on your table will create a layer of hexagons on the surface. Suck it up with a straw, and those hexagons are gone. Splashing down into stomach acid, and they are gone again. and then reconstitute around debris own organelles. Even if you do not drink the water, the little hexagons will still disappear—they persist for less than a picosecond. Hexagons cannot be concentrated or stored, and drinking them can do nothing.

More puzzling than the fictitious physics is the fact that anyone would believe it. Maybe during first hearing, but this guy has had years to do a search online. After all these years studying structured water, how could he never have Wiki’ed it? How could anyone not Google their own speciality?

The solution

The reason Marketing Man did not know these obvious things is that his livelihood, his vocation, his self-image, and his very value are dependent on their being false or, if that’s not possible, ignored. Marketing Man believes in the manufacture, stability, and benefit of structured water because it is his livelihood.

Owners of small businesses are their own marketing teams. To sell well, you have to really believe the lie when you tell it. So he really selectively reads, and really filters out counterevidence. He cultivates a pointed sales understanding not only for others, but even for himself. Cortese calls this the internalizing of the con. (This is what people have in mind when they realize that the old maxim “Believe the lie when you tell it!” is sometimes healthy advice.) It’s something that nearly all the “holistic” and “alternative” folks do. Hell, it’s something that I used to do, until I met Rick Roderick and was born again as a living question mark.

By the way, the link between sales and self-concept is so deep that it has become the basis of certain types of speed therapy. See here for more.


The structured water myth is very similar to the fable of homeopathy. The core axiom of homeopathy is that ghostly lattices of pure form propagate from any substance added to a liquid throughout the entire liquid. Since water has mixed with everything in the universe for the last 13,000,000,000 years.

Structured water takes homeopathy to the next level. Now we have spontaneous propagation, one that is not acquired from an external seed.

that doe not

without an additional seed.

because now we don’t even have to add anything to the liquid. Water contains its own seed forms. And this is true. When water freezes or touches something, layers of hexagonal water appear—and then dissolve, and then reconstitute again, with new atoms, quadrillions of times per second. But these formations cannot be propagated throughout the water. Not by using lasers, or blenders, or ceramic cubes, or anything else.

But it’s an attractive fantasy, this image of filling your body with perfectly organized tiny snowflakes. If we ignore the fact that molecules trapped in a hexagon lockdown would be unavailable for biological function, the thought of drinking organized water is downright bewitching.

These myth makers are making a lot of money selling re-labeled tap water. You cannot be a convincing salesperson if you know the pitch is a lie. So it is in the interests of cognitive consonance to believe the lie when you tell it. So why knock these myth-makers?

Because there is a side-effect. Steeping yourself in ignorance intentionally, with all the urgency and motivation that goes with making money, is bad for your cognitive health. Purposely avoiding information makes oneself one’s own deceiver. And integrity is surely an important part of the whole person.

For an incredibly thorough visitation with the structured water marketing universe, see this retired chemistry professor’s home-brew webpage.

Given what he reads, it’s no wonder

With every new scientific discovery comes a new product that pretends to be connected to it. In most cases, there is no connection. (Think about any of the “quantum healing” products.) In the case of structured water, there cannot be a connection because the product is based on something that even the literature itself says is impossible.

But the goal of sales isn’t accuracy—it’s selling. As long as you tack the official FDA disclaimer in 1-point font at the end of your creative writing, you can start an actual business.

Hexagonal water “information”

The form of exposition in fake science-based marketing is always the same: an even spacing of lies with irrelevant truths.


(Karras and Merrin are dressing in vestments taken from the case.)

MERRIN: We may ask what is relevant, but anything beyond that is dangerous. He is a liar, the demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us. But he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological , Damien. And powerful. So don’t listen, remember that, do not listen.

The Exorcist, William Peter Blatty

The truth, in most cases, is high school physics and chemistry. The lies are the benefits that will motivate you to buy “it”—with the “it” being the fictional link between the fact and the benefit. This—the causal link or necessary connection—is where you need to look. The link is either unexplained or under-explained, because it does not exist. If you press the salesperson on it, they will invariably point you to an expert. In the case of structured water, the expert—Dr. Gerald Pollack—has made a career from rehashing the already-known fact that water molecules cluster when they interface other stuff—like air, contaminants, straws, or the side of a bottle.

Truth: This is a fact about water.

Lies: But every other claim—that these hexagons can be imbued and stored in the water, and survive ingestion, and then improve health—are all 100% bullshit (see above).

WolfeClinic: clinic of the future

Here is the typical long and seemingly informative article about the non-benefit of non-existent hexagonal water. Source: The Wolfe Clinic.

Restructured Water – Restructured Life
As a practitioner of over 25 years and a writer in the field of complementary medicine, I have been introduced to many of the latest discoveries in health. Unlike most of us, I have known for well over 2 decades the importance of drinking chemically free, alkalizing, pure and healthy water. In the last 10 years, though, the structure of water has been shown to be just as important in promoting vital health. When I began to drink the water, I experienced a noticeable improvement in energy and several indicators of cellular detoxification.

Translation: I have no credentials. I used to believe in alkaline water, which is well known to be bogus. But now there’s a new false benefit to be sold—not pH, but shape.

Feeling I was onto something, I began to research the concept of hexagonal water. I soon discovered that there was plenty of evidence for water having structure. I also discovered that the structure of the water immediately surrounding DNA and other macromolecules was highly hexagonal.

 He left out most of the matter in the universe. Water hexes-up wherever it contacts contaminants or any hydrophilic surface.

During my research for more information, I found references to a Korean book written by the renowned Dr. Mu Shik Jhon who had completed extensive research to substantiate the reality of hexagonal water. His book, now published in English is The Water Puzzle and the Hexagonal Key. The book was eye-opening and a life-changing experience. Dr. Jhon had used a variety of methods to confirm the existence of hexagonal water.

False. It’s been known for decades.

He had also documented a number of ways to produce hexagonal water.

 Yes—touch it to something.

But even beyond that, he had begun to see positive effects on biological organisms—particularly the human body.


Today, a number of hexagonal water products are available and more will follow. We are now learning how to “imprint” water with subtle energy frequencies for enhancements in cognitive function, immune function and healing; and we are not far from a time when water will be used as a primary medical intervention.

This is exactly false.

Soon enough, we get to the point:

Of course, all hexagonal water products are not equal. Some are better than others; all do not produce the same results.

… and a link to buy.

Now for the details:

What is Hexagonal Water?—The influence of a weak magnetic field can increase the hexagonal structuring in water. These include electric fields, lower temperatures, reduced pressure, the presence of certain minerals, and some sound (vibrational) frequencies. The presence of any or all of the above factors encourages groupings of six water molecules which form the cohesive, coherent geometry known as hexagonal water.

Complicated! How about: heating the water increases, by almost nothing, the amount of hexed-up water, and only near surfaces.

Now comes some beautiful imagery:

The difference between normal water (a structural conglomerate) and hexagonally-structured water (an organized matrix) is similar to the difference between a piece of quartz and a quartz crystal. Although they are chemically the same (both silicon dioxide), a piece of quartz is structurally random, with an almost opaque appearance. On the other hand, quartz is organized in perfect geometric symmetry and is “crystal” clear.

Clear—as in pure, bright, luminous, pretty. Pretty things are better than ugly ones? What about healthy spleen? Healthy bile? Healthy mucus? None of these looks like snowflakes, but if they did, you would die.

Brilliance is coming:

Quartz crystals are useful in the computer and timekeeping industries because of special piezoelectric properties which non-crystalline quartz does not possess. Computer chips and quartz watches rely on the geometry of crystalline structure for accurate information transfer.
Hexagonal water is liquid crystalline water. It is able to carry signals and transfer information with greater efficiency because of its high degree of organization. It has a higher energy state and appears to be the key to faster hydration, enhanced energy transfer, protein and DNA stability, and the enhancement of numerous metabolic processes.

Quartz is admirably organized and keeps perfect time. Therefore, hexagonal water, being a perfect geometrical figure, must be healing.

Imagine the static in a radio when there is interference in the atmosphere; the radio message becomes distorted. It is the same within our bodies when the water becomes disorganized. Since water carries the vibrations and frequencies that transfer information, signals and messages are distorted when the coherent network is disrupted. When hexagonal water is repeatedly taken into the body, the coherent water network is re-established and balance can be restored.

Randomly arranged molecules, like all your cytosol, is bad. Isometric lattices are good. Why? Because they are pleasing to look at! Perpetual beauty and biological benefit are worlds apart—but not when selling is your goal.

Hexagonal Water Has Higher Energy Potential—A majority of the water on the surface of the planet is a mixture of hexagonal units separated by a conglomeration of other structural units and free water molecules. Even though water has a high energy potential compared to other liquids, it is no match for the energetic potential of hexagonal water.
When water molecules join to form hexamers, the bond angle widens to 109.5 degrees. This creates greater structural stability and the potential to hold more energy. As hexamers join to form the crystalline matrix, the energy is addictive—just like increasing the voltage by adding in series—the greater the hexagonal structuring in the water network, the greater the potential energy.

Those shapes last for 0.000000000002 seconds before their molecules swim off elsewhere. Unless they’re at 0° Kelvin, that’s what molecules do. And if water ever did get stuck in hexagons, we’d have to have other molecules break them down so that the water could enter our cells and be used. Who wants to buy a cluster of cars welded together, none of which can be driven?

Then comes lots of filler—real facts about hexagons. They are real! As if that would improve their non-existent link to any health benefit.

Then comes a section entitled Sources of Hexagonal Water:

Natural Sources—There is one natural source of hexagonal water that appears to maintain structural stability for an exceptionally long period of time. This water, from Japan’s Magnetic Mountain, originates in a place where the magnetic field is unusually high. In fact, the entire mountain has been permanently magnetized. The mountain itself is the result of an underwater volcanic eruption which occurred millions of years ago at about the same time that water from this mountain has its own magnetic field when it comes to the surface, measured at nearly 30 gauss. The magnetic field of this water declines with time, but never fully dissipates – one reason the water may be so stable. This water has been the subject of several clinical studies, verifying its health-enhancing effects.

All of this was made-up because the word magnet is in the mountain’s name. Smart!

Vortex Machines—Spiral movement is a constant in all living systems. It is present in the natural flow of water in rivers and streams, in the human circulatory system, and in the planetary movements in space. In nature, countless vortexes form as water breaks past rocks and other obstruction. These vortexes act as powerful resonant structures, energizing, purifying, and electrifying water as it moves.
The inside layers of water in a vortex flow much faster than outer layers. In a vortex, the speed multiplied by the radius is a constant. Theoretically, this means that the velocity at the center of a vortex is infinite. As the forces in a vortex approach infinity, and as layers expand and contract, hydrogen bonds in the water molecule begin to stretch. This opens the molecular structure of water for a constant interchange and exchange of electrons. As hexagonal structuring increases, the water’s ability to carry vibrations and frequency information also increases.

Whoa! Besides the fact that (even mathematical or ideal) vortices do not have infinite velocity, and that spinning water does not “stretch and open” hydrogen bonds (the con is clearly yoga stretching here), and the information idea is crap—what is going on? Why vortices? Because they sell them—

Vortex machines use a combination of magnetic fields, structure-making ions, and nature’s spiral vortex to create energized, stabilized and oxygenated hexagonal water. These devices are small enough (about the size of a blender) to sit on a kitchen countertop. They also provide an abundant supply of hexagonal water for family, pets, and plants. The Wolfe Clinic recommends the Water Vitalizer Plus. It uses the same principles Nature uses—far infrared energy, magnetic fields, vortexes and turbulence—to create an oxygen-rich, alkaline, energized and uniquely structured Hexagonal Water.

Vortices are most amazing right before being sold.

The concluding section is entitled Drinking Hexagonal Water – What to Expect?

It’s a list of the usual placebo effects—detoxing, energy boost, improved focus, and so on.

OK. I cannot spend any more time on this. I need to write a real journal article. I’m just shocked that people on the Internet don’t use the Internet to learn about things. All you have to do is right-click the word and Google it. Come on, America—Google it. Use Wikipedia and Google scholar! You don’t have to thumb through the card catalog, trudge up and down the stairs, and pay for photocopies. What’s the matter with y’all?

Aqua Technology

Here is a cheap and more obviously bogus article on hexagonal water. Source: AquaTechnology.

The most recent scientific findings indicate that biological organisms prefer the six-sided (hexagonal) ring-structure, found naturally in snow water.

Status: False. The only connection with snow is the desire of the poet to here evoke an image of a snowflake.

This Hexagonal Water forms a liquid crystalline lattice that is involved in cellular communication, intracellular water movement, enzyme function and many other metabolic processes.

Status: False. It is not involved in any proactive way. This is like saying that static electricity promotes interior design because just-washed drapes will cling to the walls in the winter.

The amount of Hexagonal Water in the body has been correlated with aging. It has also been found to form the initial layer of water surrounding healthy cells. On the other hand, unorganized water has been described surrounding diseased and abnormal cells.

Status: First sentence: false. Second sentence: true. Third sentence: false.

… and so on. There’s a table at the end, listing the company’s fake machine in first place, their bottle water in second, and everyone else far below.

They also have a page comparing hexagonal and pentagonal water. (The weird spacing before left parentheses is sic.)

Here we see another type of water molecule arrangement---one which has five(5) molecules joined by the weak hydrogen bond. It also is a “clean” type of water but has an un-natural or deformed cluster structure.
Biochemists who have studied these water structures in both nature and in humans tell us that this type of “unnatural” water structure is found in humans and animals where the IMMUNE SYSTEM IS MALFUNCTIONING.

Status: False. The number of biochemists who have “found” this to be true is the same as the number of elements in the empty set.

It goes on:

In particular, this type of pentagonal(5-sided) water structure is found in AIDS, HIV and other immune deficient individuals and all protein systems that are disease producing.
This is indeed astonishing. Whereas the six-sided(hexagonal) water “cluster” found in rain, show and distilled water is found in YOUNG or HEALTHY individuals and other healthy protein forms, unhealthy individuals, older individuals and protein systems which are prone to disease have this deformed, un-natural water structure.

Status: False. However, prepare to buy hexagonal water via the links that follow.

For many years, Dr. Mu Shik Jhon has known that the regular consumption of Hexagonal Water could provide innumerable health benefits. However, during the last few years he has seen his work finally bear fruit with the development of technology like the Vitalizer Plus™.
The Water Vitalizer Plus™ uses the same principles Nature uses—far infrared energy, magnetic fields, vortices and turbulence—to create an oxygen-rich, alkaline, energized and uniquely structured Hexagonal Water which has been associated with:
+ greater energy
+ rapid hydration
+ heightened immune function
+ better nutrient absorption
+ longevity
+ weight loss
+ greater metabolic efficiency

Status: False. Hexagonal water exists only at the interface with hydrophilic surfaces. But Dr. Jhon will sell you a cheap blender with a MINERAL CUBE at the bottom for $75.00. UPDATE: Three days later, I found that the $75.00 only buys you the ceramic cube! The cheap blender is actually $799.00 (on sale NOW for only $599.00, or here for $649.00—even though it uses the same YouTube video).

The sales page includes mind-blowing facts like this one (more bad spacing ahead):

“...the core of each DNA double helix is a column of water clusters...Small hexagonal water clusters fit into and through the hexagonal channels in cell membranes and inside the cell, swiftly delivering their goods(nutrients) and removing wastes.” (Source: Water as a Communicator—Institute of HeartMath Research Center).

DNA! DNA has hexagons around it! As does dust and arsenic.

HeartMath sounds good. What is it? From their home page:

HeartMath provides tools that connect us with the heart of “who we truly are” for living healthier, fulfilling lives and building a brighter future. Since 1991, the HeartMath Institute has researched and developed reliable, scientifically based tools to help people bridge the connection between their hearts and minds, and deepen their connection with the hearts of others.

So close … One would hope that HeartMath provided tools that connect us with the heart of who we truly are; instead, in only provides tools that connect us with the heart of “who we truly are”—meaning that it really provides tools that connect us with the heart of something else that is not who we truly are. Ridiculous. And why would they announce their failure explicitly like that?

The guru that validates all is not Pollack for this website, but Dr. Mu Shik Jhon. The Dr. Mu Shik Jhon webpage is long. It contains tons of placebo diagrams—cartoons of good water vs bad water, and so on.

For more irrelevant technical crap from Aqua Technology, see here.

Snakeoil pimp Dr. Mercola

For a kickback, Dr. Mercola will list banal facts of physics and then provide links to snake oil “based” on these facts. Check it out here.

Engineered Lifestyles

Source (what a great name): Engineered Lifestyles.

Cluster X2 can bring the power and health benefits of hexagonal water right to your home! It has Nobel prize winning research that takes ordinary distilled water, and turns it into hexagonal water! Cluster X2 comes in a concentrated 4 FL Oz. (114 mL) bottle that can turn 4 gallons of distilled water into healthy, cell hydrating hexagonal water.

Homeopathy! The ghost lattice in the concentrate propagates through ordinary tap water.

Recent scientific studies indicate that biological organisms prefer the six-sided (hexagonal) ring-structure.

 Status: False. Water hexes-up around every and all stuff floating in it except some hydrophobic blobs.

It appears that the determining factor which dictates the percentage of hexagonal water units found is the energetic influences that the water is exposed to. Energetic influences can refer to a long list of items, but water in it’s purest form were [sic] it is free from pollutants and the touch of man, seems to have a higher percentage of hexagonal water units. For example, chlorine, fluoride and many pollutants that are typically found in clean municipal water sources have a very low level of hexagonal water units.

 Status: False. Hexagonal water units form only in the presence of pollutants. Also, water that is “free from pollutants and the touch of man” is rarely potable. Also, since “energized” water is water that has been heated, you can save $100s by drinking water that has been microwaved or hot tap water. Just make sure the water is touching something so that the hexagons can form, though they’ll never make it down your throat.

Conversely there are a number of places throughout the world where the water has a very high concentration of hexagonal water structures. Many of these places are known as “healing springs” such as Lourdes, France.

 Status: Entirely made up. Saying this merely brings all the goodness of Catholicism and the Lourdes miracles on board.

The point is to have you buy neither a machine not a bottle, but rather a concentrated elixir of hexagonal water. A tiny 4 oz bottle will turn four gallons of home-tapped crap water into living, healing, structured water.

Pentagonal water: good or bad?

There is also “pentagonal water”—another cipher entity ready for fabrication by marketing logoi.

Unsurprisingly, in random places and times, water molecules occasionally self-organize into pentagons (for a few femtoseconds) until they dance away again as singles and then into other clusters. This random, dancing, non-coherence is just what a liquid is.

What about this pentagonal water? Good or bad? Neither, in reality; but not for marketing. If you sell pentagonal water (which cannot exist, see above), then is it good. If not, it is competition—and, so, bad.

Pentagons are good: Penta Water

There is a company called Penta that sells pentagonal water, called Penta Water. Here’s what happened when someone who went to high school read they website (from Wikipedia):

They submitted research papers that they believed showed scientific evidence of restructuring and several works in preparation, including studies from UK universities, that they believed showed increased performance and recovery levels after exercise with Penta when compared with ordinary water. The advertisers argued that, because Penta could hydrate more efficiently than tap water, it was better for health; they said they had not, however, made any medicinal claims for the product.

Hilarious! They claim that they wrote “under erasure.” That is, readers were supposed to prepend the phrase “It is not the case that …” before every claim of health improvement.

Such claims included:

It’s ‘ultra-purified, restructured micro-water’ that offers ‘optimal cellular hydration’.

Note the truth-cancelling quotes.

How do pentagons optimize cellular hydration, besides by not existing and thereby allowing individual molecules to enter?

By disrupting the naturally occurring molecule clusters in water with high-energy sound waves, they are able to pass more easily through the body’s cell membranes, quenching the thirst better.

Terrible sentence—they is unclear. So by not being locked in pentagonal or other clusters, molecules are able to pass—thanks to pentagonal clusters.

So a Guardian journalist called the company to ask about, you know, any facts that rest on, you know, peer-reviewed research. Not yet. But there is a published paper:

But they do have a published paper, I’m told, on liposomes in vitro with aquaporins in an artificial membrane, “or something”, that shows the water is absorbed faster. They’ll email me the reference. Instead I get a call from the MD, who gets very upset that I am trying to catch her out on the science and asks that I don’t quote her. So I didn’t even get a confirmation that the paper exists.

So the published and peer-reviewed paper was good but never existed.

How is Penta doing these days? Since having been caught, the government took them to court (for lying) and they had to retract all claims, which they did. But they still sell the water! Not as a living water charged with subtle and ultra-hydrating energy pentagons, but as ultra pure. And it’s “green” because you can recycle their bottles. I see girls at UT drinking it all the time in Jester.


After the Guardian expose, Penta claimed that seeds germinate in half the time in Penta Water, compared with normal water. Really? James Randi offered them $1,000,000 to show this. Nothing could be simpler—just grow two batches of chia. Five minutes to set-up and a week to obtain results. Penta then changed its mind because they just reengineered the water to make it helpful only for humans. In an email to Randi:

We would be interested in the live human experiment not the seed experiment, as our process has been modified for human consumption.

So now Penta proposes a new test: show that people drinking Penta Water are better hydrated than those drinking ordinary water.

Randi agreed and proposed a simple test: compare Penta Water drinkers to tap water drinkers using any measuring device that Penta would like. Holloway agreed and then … disappeared! Randi offered to test it for free and give Holloway $1,000,000 … and Holloway ran away.

Read the emails between Randi and the head of Penta, Bill Holloway. Really scary. Here’s the climax (but the lead-up is actually better):

Dear Mr. Randi,
We have nothing to prove to you. I am extremely busy and do not need your distraction. While it would give me great pleasure to take your money, it would only take money from your supporters, as I am sure its not your money. You live on other peoples money while claming [sic] to fight injustice. Injustice is to make libelous charges without any investigation on your part. Our product is real do your own testing before you shoot off your big mouth. Why don't you get a real job and contribute to society instead of leaching [sic] off of others. Please do not bother me anymore. Any future communications should be directed to our law firm, Procopio, Cory, Hargreaves & Savitch Mr. Michael Kinkelaar 619-515-3250

Pentagons are bad: Wolfe Clinic

The Wolfe Clinic, which sells hexagonal water, claims that its competitor, pentagonal water, is bad:

Organized water has been identified in the human body by a number of researchers. It is recognized as essential foe biological function [sic]. Dr. Mu Shik Jhon and others have shown that the first layer of water surrounding healthy DNA and many proteins is highly stabilized hexagonal water. Healthy proteins are surrounded by the highest number of hexagonally-structured water molecules; cancerous cells have a decreased number of hexagonal structures and an increased number of pentagonal structures.

 Totally made up.

Pentagons are bad: Aqua Technology

Here is a cheaper and more obviously bogus article. Source: AquaTechnology. [Note that all weird parentheses spacing is sic.]

Here we see another type of water molecule arrangement [a Mathematica graphic having nothing to do with water]—one which has five(5) molecules joined by the weak hydrogen bond. It also is a “clean” type of water but has an un-natural or deformed cluster structure.
Biochemists who have studied these water structures in both nature and in humans tell us that this type of “unnatural” water structure is found in humans and animals where the IMMUNE SYSTEM IS MALFUNCTIONING.
In particular, this type of pentagonal(5-sided) water structure is found in AIDS, HIV and other immune deficient individuals and all protein systems that are disease producing.
This is indeed astonishing. Whereas the six-sided(hexagonal) water “cluster” found in rain, show and distilled water is found in YOUNG or HEALTHY individuals and other healthy protein forms, unhealthy individuals, older individuals and protein systems which are prone to disease have this deformed, un-natural water structure.

 In other words—the competition, which uses reverse osmosis to clean the water, is poisoning you.

Why is reverse osmosis so nasty? Because it is man-made:

While the process of “osmosis” is a known NATURAL phenomena, the process of “reverse osmosis” is EXACTLY OPPOSITE to that original, natural(osmosis) process. In other words, REVERSE osmosis is an un-natural process---and appears to be producing a relatively clean but un-natural type of water.

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