Placebo Comedy: Earthing Therapy

I know someone (I have mentioned him before) who actually bought a “grounding mat,” which is a mat connected to a cord that plugs into the round grounding wire in a wall outlet. This is supposed to “supply more free electrons” to your body, which you need, of course. Unlike our Earth-contacting ancestors, modern humans are insulated monads and electron deficient. The solution: direct skin contact with the Earth, which is buzzing with surplus electrons. The simplest method: walking barefoot. (Just as the simplest method for “enjoying the cardiovascular benefit that comes with your purchase of the RapidFire 3000 Adjustable Treadmill” is also … walking. Consider that there might be humans who use both a Segway and a treadmill. This is why marketers want us to reproduce.)

How can you monetize walking barefoot? Well, you can sell them advice on how to perfect their walking; but textual information is easy to reproduce online and hard to control. Solution: sell people bogus mats that plug in to their walls and can sleep on. Or how about some 100% cotton bedsheets that you plug into your wall for only $567 sold as an “Earthing Recovery Bag of health”—and available from seven sellers? (But the same sheets cost only $535 when the model in the photo is a female rather than a male idiot.)

Or how about some pillow cases that you plug in? (“New! From the healthy Hobbits at LandKissing®”) Click here for a page full of earthing garbage.

So the guy actually bought one of these do-nothings. He loved it. It not only worked (to restore our optimal state of surplus electrons and, therewith, everything), it worked powerfully. “The first night I used it I detoxed so hard I actually threw up.”

This story has been neither invented nor exaggerated. It’s depressing because I thought all American high schools thought physics.