Here is an example of an effective therapeutic conversational style. If you know that your friend is fucking herself up by doing behavior X, then start by saying that you yourself are fucking yourself up by doing behavior X.
The form is:
YOU: Hey you [person who does X]! I have a confession to make. I’m always fucking myself up doing X.
THEM: [Holy crap I need to listen to this guy!]
Let’s see if it is effective on my friend Louis in this conversation …
CSH: Louis pointed out that I feel a lot of pain. And that I’m always avoiding now, because now is the locus of pain. So I’m always looking forward to and promoting some new seminar, idea, theory, or Tech to my friends. I’ll talk about how great this new Tech is to my friends. I’ll find something that gives me hope, and then I’ll spend days landing the power and efficacy of this new Tech in the listening of the people around me. It’s a way to pull myself forward into finally getting over My Problem this time.
Louis: But it’s still there. It doesn’t fucking go away. It just resurfaces. Because I never do the Tech as designed! Vipassana. Landmark. TSL. Speed Seduction. I never do the fucking Tech as designed! And I never integrate it. So I come back to the Zero Point where I don’t have anything. I feel like I’ve done nothing.
CSH: What I do to avoid the now is I actually punish myself for not doing the Tech as designed. I would rather be mad at myself for not doing the Tech than for doing it Tech. [Perhaps because I’m afraid it won't actually work. And knowing that would really be a hope smasher.] That’s another way I avoid doing it now.
Why is now the enemy? It’s because sensation only lives here. Awareness and world scrape against each other only at the point of the now. The now is the only place where consciousness and content scrape and spark.