Christianity on other planets

One way to capture the essence of the happy Christian story (concrete proof of love by Creator Alpha in some extreme or dramatic way) would to write a short story that shows the development of “Christianity” on other planets …

Amoeba planet

Amoeba planet. In rich people’s offices there is a statue of Savior Amoeba being tortured or destroyed by fire or acid. These statues share something in their appearance (just as Jesus is always long-haired, bearded, effeminate).

God so loved the world that he threw acid on himself for us … for us! What great love that is!

[Alternative: Or perhaps the amoeba undergoes voluntary premature apoptosis, which is called, on the planet, The Apoptosis.]

Ent planet

Ent planet. In rich people’s offices, you will find marble statues of Savior Ent being burned to death. Each statue shares some feature—e.g., face sad, head slightly tilted in a pitiful way, eyes aimed upwards. Or perhaps in the myth he had chains wrapped around his lower right branch (because a prophecy in the Old Testament said, “My lower branch, like a snow tire.”)

[If you don’t get the joke: It’s a parody of how Christians use “like a lion my hands and my feet” from Psalm 22:16 as a “proof” that the Spirit Writer of the Old Testament had Jesus in mind and injected him all over the place whenever possible. The actual translation is, “Like a lion, they are [mauling] at my hands and my feet,” which Christians, always on the lookout for new supporting evidence, modified this to: “They pierced my hands and my feet.”

God so loved the world that he had an irresponsible kid, Judas, flick his cigarette at his son, Savior Ent for us … for us! What great love that is!