Fara just told me about her dream.
When she dreams, she lets herself feel deeply. In real life, she is short on sexual experience, including kissing, because she is uncomfortable with physical and emotional closeness. But in her dream, she let herself go, and she noticed something. In fact, she made a life-changing discovery:
I thought that the lust that arises during kissing is just my posturing myself as an object to impress or get a reaction out of the other person. But in the dream I realized that lust is a third thing that arises externally to my will, on its own. It has its own inner propulsion. It is not called. It is not created.
It must be physically tiring and painful to fake the Happy Self with people you want to impress. Trying to impress makes relating effortful. Attraction is deepest when it arises by itself, and all you do is enter its stream.
Because being an object for another makes her consider how she looks. She thinks she is always being examined, and so judged, and so ontologically valued.
Finally—when we die—who we really are is who we were for others. Spontaneous lust is perfect ignorance of this ultimate concern.
Strength is lust
Dive backwards and downwards into your bio-plasm and discover what desires and stirrings are there, independently of any fantasies that might trigger them. This is your biological reservoir of interests and motivations.